Homer Simpson Quotes, Funny Homer Simpson Quotes, Homer Simpson Sayings

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Quotes of the Week - November 25, 2008:
"I can't go to my old barber shop now. I've gotta have my barber come to some undisclosed location to cut my hair." -- US President-elect on adjusting to his and his family's new reality and the "certain lonliness to the job" of president.

"Will I be able to have children?" -- Hitler's first question to the doctor who saved his life after a groin injury in the WWI Battle of the Somme. A recently discovered manuscript of a conversation between the doctor and Hitler's priest confirmed the rumor that Hitler lost a testicle in the fight.

"I and others were mistaken early on in saying that the subprime crisis would be contained." -- US Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke

Authors: Simpsons Quotes - Funny Homer Simpson Quotes Sayings

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Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Homer Simpson

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
Homer Simpson

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!"
Homer Simpson

Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
Homer Simpson

You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge: they won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let me live!
Homer Simpson

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
Homer Simpson

I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
Homer Simpson

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
Homer Simpson

Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer Simpson

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Homer Simpson

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Homer Simpson: Character from The Simpsons TV show, created by American Cartoonist Matt Groening, born 1954.