My name is Saddam Hussein. I am the president of Iraq, and I want to negotiate. – Saddam Hussein To US troops who captured him in a hole in the ground near Tikrit.
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. – Bill Vaughan
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. – Alex Levine
Oh, now there’s only one kind of love that lasts. That’s unrequited love. It stays with you forever. – Woody Allen
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. – Jack Benny
Oh, Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends. – Janis Joplin
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. – Woody Allen
See what will happen if you don’t stop biting your fingernails? – Will Rogers To his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo.
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. – Woody Allen