It’s not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on. – Marilyn Monroe On posing nude for a calendar photograph.
It’s not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV. – Lisa Simpson
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. – George Burns
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles. – Rita Rudner
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing will begin in five minutes. – Ronald Reagan US president during radio microphone test.
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. – Winston Churchill
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen
Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. – Homer Simpson
Marge, I’m going to miss you so much. And it’s not just the sex. It’s also the food preparation. – Homer Simpson
Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. – Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech – every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante
My feelings – as usual – we will slaughter them all. – Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf On US soldiers attacking Baghdad.