Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water,
it's not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid!
What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't
have to bite you!
Family Guy |
Stewie Griffin: [hitting on some co-eds] I must say, the most
recent campus sporting event was quite spectacular.
Co-ed: Aw. Are you in a fraternity, little boy?
Stewie Griffin: Not yet, but I'm thinking of joining I Felta
Thigh.
Family Guy |
Stewie Griffin: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like
a British nanny!
Family Guy |
Meg Griffin: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie Griffin: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest
and a broken prophylactic?
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin [trying to feed Stewie broccoli airplane style]:
Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the
airplane.
Stewie Griffin: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn
the Wright brothers!
Lois Griffin: My, aren't we fussy tonight. Okay. No broccoli.
Stewie Griffin: Very well then. L...
[Lois shoves the Broccoli into his mouth. Stewie then spits
it out.]
Stewie Griffin: Who the hell do you think you are?
Lois Griffin: Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you
don't like it.
Stewie Griffin: Well then, my goal becomes clear: The broccoli
must die.
Family Guy |
Stewie Griffin [watching cheerleaders changing in a locker
room] It appears my wee-wee's been stricken with rigor-mortis.
Family Guy |
Stewie Griffin: I love God. He's so deliciously evil.
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin [trying to potty-train Stewie]: Maybe you don't
have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through
you.
Stewie Griffin: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light
up a dubey and watch porn.
Peter Griffin: Rea... Really?
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin [reading Meg's diary with rest of family gathered
around]: Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. Today he was raking the
yard. God I wish he'd throw me into that pile of leaves. [Laughter]
Meg Griffin: [Walks into the room] Hey what's everyone... Oh
my God! You're reading my diary! I HATE YOU ALL! WHAAAAAAA!
[Runs away crying]
Peter: [Opens beer] Keep going!
Family Guy |
Meg Griffin [to boy]: Please go out with me. I am just trying
to make Neil jealous. I promise I'll pay and everything.
Boy: Yeah, uh, that sounds cool, but I'm going to be in the
hospital that night. [shoots himself in stomach with nail gun.]
OHHHOWWW!! [in pain, drags himself away]
Family Guy |
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