Stewie Griffin: You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal.
You two, fight to the death.
Family Guy |
Stewie Griffin: Hmm, time for dessert. Let's see - big chocolate
cake for Stewie, [holds up a leaf to Chris] and something very
tasty for big, fat you.
Family Guy |
[At the grocery store] Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love
your act! Nice melons.
Peter Griffin: Now listen pal!
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm holding melons.
Peter Griffon: Oh
Man: And her hooters ain't bad either.
Peter Griffon: Now hold on a second.
Lois Griffin: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem. [pause] Man: Your wife's hot.
Peter Griffin: Alright that's it!
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: What's going on down here?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois Griffin: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: So how was your day?
Brian Griffin: My day? Un-freakin'-believable. First we nailed
this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's
doll--HER DOLL for God's sake! Where's the line anymore? Well,
I got news for ya, it's not even on the radar screen! The days
of decency and virtue are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated
like a dingy stinkin' mudpuddle. One day you see your reflection
in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on your
cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking you, knowing
the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul. That's
how my freakin' day was! [pause] You know what I haven't had
in a while? Big League Chew.
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: I care about the size of your penis as much
as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter Griffin: Oh my God! [runs off crying]
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: Peter tell Chris that women are not objects!
Peter Griffin: Your mother's right Chris, listen to what it
says.
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie Griffin: Why don't you burn in hell?
Family Guy |
Smurf #1: Hey, did you have a good time last night?
Smurf #2: Smurf-tacular!
Smurf #1: Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette.
Smurf #2: Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started
smurfing me.
Smurf #1: Shut the Smurf up!
Smurf #2: Yeah!
Smurf #1: Right in the Smurfing parking lot?
Smurf #2: Smurf-Yeah!
Smurf #1: Oh! That is freaking Smurf!
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin [holding crying baby after Carol has given birth]:
It's a beautiful baby girl!
Carol Pewterschmidt: Ooh, a baby girl! I'm so happy!
Peter Griffin: But she has a penis. Well, we'll have to do something
about that [Picks up scalpel.]
Lois Griffin [taking scalpel away]: Peter, no! It's a boy.
Family Guy |
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