Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There’s entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky. – Jerry Seinfeld
I need to get a wife. But it’s hard, you know, it’s hard to find a girl you can trust. Some of these girls, they want to go out with you so they can blog about you. – Judah Friedlander
I had a year off, so my wife and I were heading to Italy to study Italian. We found a little house in a village called Atrani. I discovered that Gore Vidal lived right above us in a big house, so I sent him a note. – Jay Parini
Obama was elected by the people, and I was glad that barrier was broken down. I did, along with my wife, campaign for him in Ohio because that was a key state. If I had to say does he rate an ‘A’ or does he rate a ‘D,’ it would be very difficult. I give him a ‘C.’ – Jim Brown
This industry is tough on relationships. I’ve always thought that my wife should have a credit up alongside mine because I couldn’t do what I do without her support. – Jeff Bridges
I was born in the U.S., my wife was born in Mexico and emigrated here when she was in college, and my daughters were born in New York City. That makes them passport-carrying, natural-born, eligible-to-run-for-president Americans. But they’re also Mexicans and they like that just fine. – Jeffrey Kluger
There’s the Bacon society, which is fostered by his fourth wife Helen Bacon, but I don’t know what kind of performances his music gets. He wrote symphonic music and some chorale music. – Carlisle Floyd
My wife and I have chosen to bring up our children as vegetarians. In another time or place, we might have made a different decision. But the realities of our present moment compelled us to make that choice. – Jonathan Safran Foer
My wife and kids like the quiet and the countryside – I still find that kind of quiet hard to listen to. – James McBride
Israel’s behavior when it comes to Egypt is that of a battered wife. Nothing but apologies. – Avigdor Lieberman
I don’t decide where I live. My wife decides. She’s a curator of contemporary art, and she works at an art museum, so we go wherever she has a job. All basements look the same, so I can write from whatever basement I happen to be living in. – John Green
I went to see President Nixon at the White House. It wasn’t difficult to get a meeting because I was heavyweight champion of the world. So I came to Washington and walked around the garden with Nixon, his wife and daughter. I said: I want you to give Ali his licence back. I want to beat him up for you. – Joe Frazier
Playing gangsters is great. They usually dress you sharp. And you have a license to pretty much bully anybody. I mean, I wouldn’t dare do that at home. My wife will give me a back hander. – Alex Rocco
I like to eat Wheaties Fuel for breakfast with fresh fruit and egg whites. For lunch, I like to eat my wife’s ‘homerun chicken,’ which is chicken, rice and vegetables, and for dinner I eat grilled steak or a couple of chicken breasts with rice and vegetables. During the day, I drink OhYeah! protein shakes as a snack. – Albert Pujols
My wife thinks I have an obsession with social class. So I guess I have an obsession with social class. It probably stems from feeling like an outcast. – James Gray
I am announcing my resignation from Congress so my colleagues can get back to work, my neighbors can choose a new representative and most importantly that my wife and I can continue to heal from the damage I have caused. – Anthony Weiner
How is having every phone call that I make to my wife, to my daughter, relevant to any terror investigation? – Blake Farenthold
A successful woman preacher was once asked what special obstacles have you met as a woman in the ministry? Not one, she answered, except the lack of a minister’s wife. – Anna Garlin Spencer
I didn’t get a phone call from Bill Clinton before I jumped in the race … maybe it’s because I hadn’t given money to the foundation or donated to his wife’s senate race. – Carly Fiorina
My kids probably stay up too late. My wife goes to bed around 3 A.M., and I follow around 7 A.M., but it works. – John Travolta
I guess as long as people think of me for different ages, I’ll trust their opinion. I remember noticing one year that Michelle Monaghan played 34 and 19, so I’ve kind of clung to that as my justification that I can be Jake Gyllenhaal’s wife and a freshman in college in the same year. – Anna Kendrick
My whole life is classical now. Except my wife. I don’t have a classical wife. I have a classy wife, but I don’t have a classical wife. – Alec Baldwin
Anything I have blown a lot of money on? Well, I have three daughters and a wife – that’s four women, and I’m working on a sitcom, so you could say that I am just trying to stay alive! – Chevy Chase
David Fincher is a longtime friend. As a director, my wife had worked with him as a makeup artist when he would do Madonna videos years before, and his child and my oldest child were in preschool together, so we’re kind of dad-friends through that, too. – Anthony Edwards
Well, I always say that the two things I was most disastrous at in my life, being a teenager and being a wife, were the two things I really wound up cashing in on when I was writing fluffy magazine pieces. – Ann Patchett
I’m still working, I’ve got two arms, two legs, two gorgeous kids, a lovely wife. Fifteen years ago, I was homeless. So when you think about it, I’m lucky. – Ian Hart
My wife used to tell me one of my best qualities was that my feet don’t smell, but I remember my brother’s did when we were kids. – Jack Prelutsky
I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan. – Corey Feldman