Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial ‘we.’ – Mark Twain
Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. – Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. – Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. – Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. – Mark Twain
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. – Mark Twain
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. – Mark Twain
In ‘Huckleberry Finn,’ I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had. – Mark Twain
Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. – Mark Twain