We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
– H. L. Mencken
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety.
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner’s inquest.
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice.
Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other’s speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.
The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.
As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
Most people want security in this world, not liberty.
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.