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It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
– H. L. Mencken
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.
A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them.
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.