Joan Rivers Quotes, Joan Rivers Quotations, famous Joan Rivers Quotes Sayings Quotations

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Quotes of the Week - Oct 5, 2008:
"The reality is we're in an urgent situation and the consequences will get bigger each day we do not act." -- US President George Bush, on efforts to resurrect the $700 billion financial rescue package aimed at stabilizing financial markets.

"Sixty-seven percent of the Republican Conference decided to put political ideology ahead of the best interest of our great nation." -- U.S. Congressman James E. Clyburn, a Democrat from South Carolina, after the House voted against the $700-billion bailout package.

"I go three, maybe four times a year to get tested for sexually transmitted infections and most of the time I don't even need to." -- Singer and TV presenter Kelly Osborne.

Authors: Joan Rivers Quotes, Famous Joan Rivers Quotes Quotations Sayings

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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Joan Rivers

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers

Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers

No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.
Joan Rivers

Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true.
Joan Rivers

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers: American comedian. Born 1933.