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Jewish Quotes, Sayings, Famous Jew Quotes

God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody else for a change?
Shalom Aleichem

Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
Golda Meir

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
From The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare.

If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.
Albert Einstein

Who hates the Jews more than the Jew?
Henry Miller

He who hears this name (God) from a Jew must inform the authorities, or else throw sow dung at him when he sees him and chase him away.
Martin Luther

What one Christian does is his own responsibility, what one Jew does is thrown back at all Jews.
Anne Frank

My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada.
David Steinberg

I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman

The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is Jewish.
Jules Farber

Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.
Lenny Bruce

Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: - by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.
Adolf Hitler

Yes, I am a Jew, and when the ancestors of the Right Honorable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were priests in the temple of Solomon.
Benjamin Disraeli

The Jew has always been a people with definite racial characteristics and never a religion.
Adolf Hitler

Above all, this country is our own. Nobody has to get up in the morning and worry what his neighbors think of him. Being a Jew is no problem here.
Golda Meir

It is extremely difficult for a Jew to be converted, for how can he bring himself to believe in the divinity of - another Jew?
Heinrich Heine

Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow himself.
Golda Meir

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
Billy Connolly

I am neither Jew nor Gentile, Mahomedan nor Theist; I am but a member of the human family.
Frances Wright

The white, the Hispanic, the black, the Arab, the Jew, the woman, the Native American, the small farmer, the businessperson, the environmentalist, the peace activist, the young, the old, the lesbian, the gay and the disabled make up the American quilt.
Jesse Jackson

I'm not really a Jew; just Jew-ish, not the whole hog.
Jonathan Miller

Being a Jew, one learns to believe in the reality of cruelty and one learns to recognize indifference to human suffering as a fact.
Andrew Dworkin

HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
Andrew Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary.

To be a Jew is a destiny.
Vicky Baum

Israel has created a new image of the Jew in the world - the image of a working and an intellectual people, of a people that can fight with heroism.
David Ben-Gurion

If I had to baptize a Jew, I would take him to the bridge of the Elbe, hang a stone around his neck and push him over with the words "I baptize thee in the name of Abraham".
Martin Luther

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle

A woman reading Playboy feels a little like a Jew reading a Nazi manual.
Gloria Steinem

If you ever forget you're a Jew, a Gentile will remind you.
Bernard Malamud

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile, women shave on Saturday and most especially never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.
Woody Allen

Catholics believe life begins at conception. Atheists believe that life begins at birth. Jews believe that life begins when the children leave home and the dog dies.
Author Unknown

A baptised Jew is a circumcised Christian.
German Proverb

These three are the marks of a Jew - a tender heart, self-respect, and charity.
Hebrew Proverb

Hi, Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?
Sex and the City
Spoken by character Charlotte in the TV series.

America / rather, the United States / seems to me to be the Jew among the nations. It is resourceful, adaptable, maligned, envied, feared, imposed upon. It is warm-hearted, over-friendly; quick-witted, lavish, colorful; given to extravagant speech and gestures; its people are travelers and wanderers by nature, moving, shifting, restless; swarming in Fords, in ocean liners; craving entertainment; volatile. The chuckle among the nations of the world.
Edna Ferber

A bird that you set free may be caught again, but a word that escapes your lips will not return.
Jewish Proverb

A mother understands what a child does not say.
Jewish Proverb

A pessimist, confronted with two bad choices, chooses both.
Jewish Proverb

As he thinks in his heart, so he is.
Jewish Proverb

As you teach, you learn.
Jewish Proverb

Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house.
Jewish Proverb

Do not be wise in words - be wise in deeds.
Jewish Proverb

Don't be sweet, lest you be eaten up; don't be bitter, lest you be spewed out.
Jewish Proverb

Don't live in a town where there are no doctors.
Jewish Proverb

Don't look for more honor than your learning merits.
Jewish Proverb

First mend yourself, and then mend others.
Jewish Proverb

He that can't endure the bad, will not live to see the good.
Jewish Proverb

If charity cost nothing, the world would be full of philanthropists.
Jewish Proverb

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
Jewish Proverb

If not for fear, sin would be sweet.
Jewish Proverb

If the rich could hire the poor to die for them, the poor would make a very nice living.
Jewish Proverb

Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors.
Jewish Proverb

Not to have felt pain is not to have been human.
Jewish Proverb

Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall - but don't rush to pick him up either.
Jewish Proverb

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
Jewish Proverb

Worries go down better with soup than without.
Jewish Proverb

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

I marvel at the resilience of the Jewish people. Their best characteristic is their desire to remember. No other people has such an obsession with memory.
Elie Wiesel

Jews and homosexuals are the outstanding creative minorities in contemporary urban culture. Creative, that is, in the truest sense: they are creators of sensibilities. The two pioneering forces of modern sensibility are Jewish moral seriousness and homosexual aestheticism and irony.
Susan Sontag

One million Arabs are not worth a Jewish fingernail.
Rabbi Yaacov Perrin

In Jewish history there are no coincidences.
Elie Wiesel

To sing it right, Franco, you have to be Jewish.
Richard Tucker
To Franco Corelli when asked to explain his success with Puccini.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman

With satanic joy in his face, the black-haired Jewish youth lurks in wait for the unsuspecting girl whom he defiles with his blood, thus stealing her from her people.
Adolf Hitler

The Hebrews have done more to civilize men than any other nation. If I were an atheist, and believed in blind eternal fate, I should still believe that fate had ordained the Jews to be the most essential instrument for civilizing the nations.
John Adams

From the outset, the Christian was the theorizing Jew, the Jew is therefore the practical Christian, and the practical Christian has become a Jew again.
Karl Marx

Historically the profoundest meaning of Passover is something which sets Judaism apart from other religions. It marks the birth of a nation. Out of a mass of slaves, Moses fashioned a nation and gave them a faith.
Philip S. Bernstein

Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
Mel Brooks

I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
George W. Bush

Yes, I am a Jew, and when the ancestors of the Right Honorable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were priests in the temple of Solomon.
Benjamin Disraeli
Reply to a taunt by Daniel O'Connell.

The Jews are the living embodiment of the minority, the constant reminder of what duties societies owe their minorities, whoever they might be.
Abba Eban

The Jews are returning to their land of unbelief. They are spiritually blind and desperately in need of their Messiah and Savior.
Jerry Falwell

I don't like 'Ebrews. They work harder; they're more sober; they're honest, and they're everywhere.
John Galsworthy

And the founder of Christianity made no secret indeed of his estimation of the Jewish people. When He found it necessary, He drove those enemies of the human race out of the Temple of God.
Adolph Hitler

Passover affirms the great truth that liberty is the inalienable right of every human being.
Morris Joseph

We are at fault for not slaying them (the Jews).
Martin Luther

Jews and papists are ungodly wretches; they are two stockings made of one piece of cloth.
Martin Luther

The Jews are the most miserable people on earth. They are plagued everywhere, and scattered about all countries, having no certain resting place. They sit as on a wheelbarrow, without a country, people or government . . . but they are rightly served, for seeing they refused have Christ and his gospel, instead of freedom they must have servitude.
Martin Luther

What is the worldly religion of the Jew? Huckstering. What is his worldly God? Money.
Karl Marx

It's time to say that America is a better place to be a Jew than Jerusalem. If there ever was a promised land, we Jewish Americans are living in it.
Rabbi Jacob Neusner

The Jews are irreligious, atheistic, immoral bunch of bastards.
Richard Nixon

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