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Football Quotes - Funny Football Quotes and Sayings
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I stared into the darkness of the bunkrooms thinking what to do. 'Ah, shucks, go into the American night, the Thomas Wolfe darkness, the hell with these bigshot gangster football coaches, go after being an American writer, tell the truth, don't be pushed around by them or anybody else or any of their goons . . . The Ivy League is just an excuse to get football players for nothing and get them to be American cornballs enough to make America sick for a thousand years.
Jack Kerouac

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.
Merle Kessler

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
Vince Lombardi
Also attributed to Duffy Daugherty.

To play this game (football) you must have fire in you, and there is nothing that strokes fire like hate.
Vince Lombardi

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
Eugene McCarthy

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
Elbert Hubbard

Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it.
Luke Salisbury

There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass.
Dan Devine
Former Notre Dame football coach.

When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.
Max McGee

College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity.
Henry Louis Mencken

That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
Dennis Miller

The pride and presence of a professional football team is far more important than 30 libraries.
Art Modell
Of the Cleveland Browns.

Football is an honest game. It's true to life. It's a game about sharing. Football is a team game. So is life.
Joe Namath

Summing up my football career: I got into a few games after they were hopelessly won or hopelessly lost, you know, when they put the substitutes in, and finally the water boy, and then me. That is the way it worked.
Richard Nixon

Football linemen are motivated by a more complicated, self-determining series of factors than the simple fear of humiliation in the public gaze, which is the emotion that galvanizes the backs and receivers.
Merlin Olsen

Half this game is ninety percent mental.
Danny Ozark
Philadelphia Phillies manager.

Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.
Knute Rockne

In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.
Theodore Roosevelt

Trying to maintain order during a legalized gang brawl involving 80 toughs with a little whistle, a hanky and a ton of prayer.
Anonymous referee - explaining his job

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo.
Tony Kornheiser

Speed is not your fastest, but your slowest man. No back can run faster than his interference.
Jock Sutherland

In the football match, everything is complicated by the presence of the other team.
Jean Paul Sartre

If football players were armed with guns, there wouldn't be stadiums large enough to hold the crowds.
Irwin Shaw

It was an ideal day for football - too cold for the spectators and too cold for the players.
Red Smith

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.
Doug Plank

Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis.
Tim Green

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
Dan Birdwell

Football is mesmerizing, because it's a figurative war. You go in one direction till you get there, but you get there as a team, not as an individual. Players bond whether they're black or white, much as soldiers do.
Oliver Stone

As concerning football, I protest unto you that it may rather be called a friendly kind of fight than a play or recreation - a bloody and murthering practise than a fellowly sport or pastime. And hereof groweth envy, malice, rancour, choler, hatred, displeasure, enmity and what not else; and sometimes fighting, brawling, contention, quarrel-picking, murder, homicide and great effusion of blood, as experience daily teacheth.
Philip Stubbes (1583)

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller

I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.
Dave Barry
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