If Head Office try and come here and interfere, they’re got me to contend with, okay? You can go and fiddle with Neil’s people, but I’m the head of this family. You’re not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
Pol Pot – he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they’re that clever, take them off when they see him coming! – Ricky Gervais
There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches and some of you will lose your jobs…On a more positive note the good news is I’ve been promoted – so every cloud…you’re still thinking about the bad news aren’t you? – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
But, uh, you know, I suppose I’ve created an atmosphere where I am a friend first and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
My world does not end with these four walls. Slough’s a big place, and when I’m finished with Slough, there’s Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell, you know, I’ve got Didcot, Yateley. Winnersh. Taplow, you know? Because I am my own boss, I can – Burfield – I can wake up one morning and go, “Oh, I don’t feel like working today, can I just stay in bed?” – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
I think there’s been a rape up there!…I got his attention. Get their attention. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer’s always the same, to me, they’re not mutually exclusive. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
Don’t assume. It makes an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘me’. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
Honor is a gift a man gives himself. You can be as good as anyone that ever lived. If you can read, you can learn everything that anyone ever learned. But you’ve got to want it. – Ricky Gervais
Let’s stop degrading women, please. Let’s have a laugh with them, not at them. Let’s have a laugh at work, with women at us. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
I can wake up one morning and go, ‘I don’t feel like working today. Can I stay in bed?’ ‘You’d better ask the boss.’ ‘David, can I stay in bed?’ ‘Yes, David.’ Both me. Not me in bed with another bloke called David. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
There should be no ego when you’re pulling together to do something good. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
I’m expecting a blind date and I was worried you were it! – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
[Talking about The Corrs] I’d push the brother out of the room, bend them all over, do the drummer, the lead singer, and that one who plays violin. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
The reason women wear necklaces is to draw attention to the breasts. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
If you’re got one leg, at least you haven’t got two legs missing. If you have lost both legs and both arms, just go, “At least I’m not dead!” – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
I’m gonna roll you over, and rock you stupid, and leave you there just humming. There’s a party in my trousers, baby, and everybody’s coming. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
There are things that I will never laugh at. The handicapped – because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity…At least the little handicapped fella is able minded…or sometimes not – it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).
If I make them laugh along the way, sue me. And I don’t do it so they turn round and go ‘Thank you David for the opportunity, thank you for the wisdom, thank you for the laughs.’ I do it so, one day, someone will go ‘There goes David Brent. I must remember to thank him. – Ricky Gervais As David Brent, in The Office (UK).