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There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
– Mark Twain
Laws control the lesser man… Right conduct controls the greater one.
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Everything has its limit – iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
We are all alike, on the inside.
The Public is merely a multiplied ‘me.’
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.
A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.