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I only like two kinds of men – domestic and imported.
– Mae West
Judge: Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?
Mae West: On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin’ my best to conceal it.
Let Shakespeare do it his way, I’ll do it mine. We’ll see who comes out better.
I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.
One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it.
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Men are all alike – except the one you’ve met who’s different.
Serge the Russian: You were made for love and love only. Surely you have enough diamonds.
Mae West: Diamonds is my career.
I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.
You can say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
How do I know so much about men? Baby, I went to night school.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
Judge: Let me remind you to look out for crooks.
Mae West: Let the crooks look out for themselves.
Too many girls follow the line of least resistance – but a good line is hard to resist.
Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
Woman: Chemistry’s a wonderful thing.
Mae West: I’ll say it is, but I know a couple of druggists that never made a dime ’til Prohibition.
Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.
Few men know how to kiss well. Fortunately, I’ve always had time to teach them.
Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I’d have to give it up.
Cary Grant: Haven’t you ever met a man who could make you happy?
Mae West: Sure, lots of times.
Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.
Well, dear, I think we’ve had the best of her.
Man: I’ll look after the cattle and the men for you.
Mae West: Just the cattle … I’ll take care of the men.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
He who hesitates is last.
Handle it with care. It’s only my heart.