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Authors: Woody Allen Quotes, Funny Woody Allen Quotes, Famous Sayings
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Eternal nothingness is OK if you're dressed for it.
Woody Allen
Getting Even, 'My Philosophy'
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Woody Allen
Getting Even, 'My Philosophy'
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen
Without Feathers, 'The Scrolls'
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Death
The thing to remember is that each time of life has its appropriate rewards, whereas when you're dead it's hard to find the light switch. The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
The Early Essays
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
The Early Essays
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
Woody Allen
Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor
My parents were very old world. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
Woody Allen
Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor
I am an only child. I have one sister.
Woody Allen
Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen: American movie director, writer, actor. Born 1935.



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