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The Great Gatsby
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The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

Funny Coronavirus Quotes

Man travels 20km to sunbathe naked on Galway beach despite Covid-19 lockdown

The Irish Sun headline

There’s either going to be divorce boom or a baby boom – and I’ve got a good midwife and lawyers.

– Myleene Klass

The singer on long-term consequences of cororonavirus lockdown.

For God’s sake, open the pubs again before we all become alcoholics.

– The Irish Times

Letter writer’s plea as alcohol sales rise during coronavirus shotdown.

Prof Lockdown broke lockdown with his trousers down.

– The Sun

Headline in UK tabloid after Prof. Neil Ferguson quit as UK government coronavirus advisor over visits to his home by his married lover.

Disinfectant…it knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleaning? Because it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs.

– Donald Trump

“Doctor” Trump comes up with cure for coronavirus, disinfectant jabs. Critics immediately labeled his suggestions as dangerous.

First time in history we can save the human race by lying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up.

– Unknown

Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.

– Unknown

Some men found life without sports tough during coronavirus lockdown.

Doctor: Your Covid-19 test came back positive. Patient: That can’t be correct. I have more than 300 rolls of toilet paper.

– Unknown

Mexico is considering closing its border to stop Americans bringing coronavirus into its country as US count passes 2,000.

– Daily Mail

UK tabloid headline on Mexico shutting border to Americans.

I know a great joke about coronavirus, you probably won’t get it though.

– Unknown

A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says “I’ll have a Corona please, hold the virus”

– Unknown

If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die. I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.

– Unknown

With all this talk of coronavirus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.

– Unknown

I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant “what kills the coronavirus?”
She replied to me “Ammonia Cleaner”
I said “Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here”

– Unknown

*Breaking News!* – Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled “just in case”.
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

– Unknown

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

– Unknown

Before coronavirus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

– Unknown

Coronavirus doesn’t affect rats and snakes so much. So most of us are safe.

– Unknown

Social distancing rule: If you can smell their fart, move further apart.

– Unknown

Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW!

– Unknown

Don’t worry, the coronavirus won’t last long…It was made in China.

– Unknown

Chinese doctors have confirmed the name of the first person to contract coronavirus. His name is Ah-Chu.

– Unknown

Chuck Norris has been exposed to the coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for a month.

– Unknown

Quote about coronavirus shutting all bars

Coronavirus has done what no woman has been able to do…cancel all sports, shutdown all bars, and keep men at home.

– Unknown