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Authors: Lois Griffin Quotes, Famous Lois Griffin Quotes, Sayings
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Brian Griffin: Ugh, I can't believe you're serving a three year sentence, it seems so harsh.
Lois Griffin: Well, the only upside is that it's given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealin' because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me...
Glen Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois Griffin:...and I was tryin' to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects, and things...
Glen Quagmire: Oh God!!!
Lois Griffin: ...and I felt wonderful with all those things fillin' that hole.
Glen Quagmire: Oh God!!!!!!
Lois Griffin: I did this to myself, so I'm just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Family Guy
Peter Griffin [holding crying baby after Carol has given birth]: It's a beautiful baby girl!
Carol Pewterschmidt: Ooh, a baby girl! I'm so happy!
Peter Griffin: But she has a penis. Well, we'll have to do something about that [Picks up scalpel.]
Lois Griffin [taking scalpel away]: Peter, no! It's a boy.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!
Family Guy
Lois Griffin [trying to feed Stewie broccoli airplane style]: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane.
Stewie Griffin: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!
Lois Griffin: My, aren't we fussy tonight. Okay. No broccoli.
Stewie Griffin: Very well then. L...
[Lois shoves the Broccoli into his mouth. Stewie then spits it out.]
Stewie Griffin: Who the hell do you think you are?
Lois Griffin: Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you don't like it.
Stewie Griffin: Well then, my goal becomes clear: The broccoli must die.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin [reading Meg's diary with rest of family gathered around]: Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. Today he was raking the yard. God I wish he'd throw me into that pile of leaves. [Laughter]
Meg Griffin: [Walks into the room] Hey what's everyone... Oh my God! You're reading my diary! I HATE YOU ALL! WHAAAAAAA! [Runs away crying]
Peter: [Opens beer] Keep going!
Family Guy
Meg Griffin: I miss Uncle Patrick.
Lois Griffin: Don't worry kids I promise we can visit him once a month.
Chris Griffin: We'll be his period.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: Oh, look, Meg, it's your little baby booties. Oh, and your little bronze hat. And your tail.
Meg Griffin: My what?
Lois Griffin: Nothing.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg Griffin: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois Griffin: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.
Meg Griffin: All right, all right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
Lois Griffin: That's the spirit.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie Griffin: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: I'm gonna go get some oranges Stewie. Here, hold the rest of these bags for mommy.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, what brilliant parenting Lois. Leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. You know I might asphyxiate myself just to teach you a lesson. Here I go. Just like that boy from INXS…[Stewie tries to put bag over top of his head.] I'm going to do it! [Tries to put bag over left side of his head then climbs into it and tries pulling it over his head.] BLAST! Good Lord Lois, either I was a c-section, or you're Wonder Woman!
Family Guy
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Lois Griffin is character in American animated television series Family Guy. The series is about fictional Griffin family in Rhode Island. It was created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999.

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