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Authors: House M.D. Quotes, Funny Houseisms, One-Liners from TV series
House MD Quotes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Wilson: Did you know your phone is dead? Do you ever recharge the batteries?
House: They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.
House, M.D.

House: What the hell are those?
Cameron: Candy canes.
House: Candy canes? Are you mocking me.
House, M.D.

House: Dying people lie, too.
House, M.D.

House [knocking on Wilson's office door]: I know you're in there! I can hear you caring!
House, M.D.

House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.
House, M.D.

Cuddy to House: l'll be on your couch with a shotgun, in case you try to make a limp for the border.
House, M.D.

House: I'm not deflecting because I'm avoiding something deep. I'm deflecting because I'm avoiding something shallow.
House, M.D.

House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a....I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
House, M.D.

House: Awesome. A sex fiend with a swollen tongue. Just think of all the places I can make Foreman search.
House, M.D.

House: Lungs skin...skin, lungs...Sklungs?
House, M.D.

Stacy: God, you're an idiot!
House: I like to think of myself as more of a jerk.
House, M.D.

House: Do I know how to pick great cases or what?
House, M.D.

Lydia: And who's going to carry you when you're carrying the cello?
House: Yes, cast aside the useless cripple. How very German of you.
House, M.D.

House: You gonna trust me? I lie about everything.
House, M.D.

House: I had a heart attack this morning. I can't do any more drugs till at least lunch.
House, M.D.

Cuddy: That arrogant son of a bitch is the best doctor we have!
House, M.D.

Cameron: You really didn't know?
House: No and frankly I am angry. Of course I'd know better when I know what we're talking about.
Cameron:Your birthday
House: Oh normally I would put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the earth has circled around the sun on more time. I really didn't think it was going to make it this year but darn if it wasn't for the little planet that could all over again.
House, M.D.

Thirteen: You are the champion of not dealing with your problems.
House: My grandson gave me a mug that says that.
House, M.D.

Wilson: House, you're right! Why not? Why not date you?? It’s brilliant; we’ve known each other for years, we've put up with all kinds of crap from each other, and we keep coming back. We’re a couple!
House: Are you still speaking metaphorically?
House, M.D.

House: You guys are thinking like doctors when you should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, I wanna see a plumbers buttcrack.
House, M.D.

Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness. House vs. God
House, M.D.

House: The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.....they're strange.
House, M.D.

House: Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
House, M.D.

Cuddy: Oh, why do you have to make everything so dramatic?
House: Because I'm a very high-strung little lapdog *yips*
House, M.D.

Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.
House, M.D.

Clinic Patient: I wasn't trying to off myself.
House: No, you were trying to kill the wall.
House, M.D.

Cuddy: Then dip into your secret stash.
House: Tritter took it.
Cuddy: Tritter's on to your secret-secret stash.
House: I ran out.
Cuddy: Then move on to your-secret-secret stash!
House, M.D.

House: I'm branching out from self-loathing and self destruction.
House, M.D.

House: A blowup doll would be more useful; and yes, that's the first time I've implied something negative about a blowup doll.
House, M.D.

Foreman: You might wanna wait until he actually tell us his theory before you start kissing his theory's ass.
Chase: I wasn't kissing his ass.
Foreman: It just looked that way from our angle. You on your knees, House bending over.
House, M.D.

House: I assume 'minimal at best' is your stiff upper lip British way of saying no chance in hell.
Chase: I'm Australian.
House: You put the Queen on your money; you're British.
House, M.D.
House MD Quotes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
House (also known as House, M.D.): American TV medical drama that debuted on Fox network on November 16, 2004. Central character is Dr. Gregory House (played by Hugh Laurie), noted for his sarcastic wit and cutting one-liners. Other characters include Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dr. James Wilson and Dr. Allison Cameron.



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