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Authors: Dr. Gregory House One-Liners, Best Houseisms, House M.D. Quotes
House MD Quotes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
House: Genetic defect; nice.
House, M.D.

Michael Tritter: Merry Christmas
House: And a Happy Go-to-Hell.
House, M.D.

House [to black senator running for president]: They don't call it the White House because of the paint job.
House, M.D.

House [to Foreman]: You're a disgrace to your stereotype.
House, M.D.

House: Never is just reven spelled backwards.
House, M.D.

House: Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.
House, M.D.

House: Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can’t always get what you want.'
House, M.D.

House: If I was kidding I'd be dressed like you.
House, M.D.

House: I only became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams.
House, M.D.

House: I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am THAT good.
House, M.D.

House: Slutty party girl is fun until she pukes on her shoes -- then she's just a pain in the ass.
House, M.D.

House: Another life saved by girl-on-girl action.
House, M.D.

House: It's not your blood, it's his.
House, M.D.

House: The Cripple Boys. We should start a band.
House, M.D.

House: Arrogance has to be earned.
House, M.D.

House: Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about.
House, M.D.

Cuddy: Is that Vicodin?
House: Breath mint. Thought you were going to kiss me.
House, M.D.

House: People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort.
House, M.D.

House: Religion is a symptom of irrational belief and groundless hope.
House, M.D.

House: Where would junior high be without our ability to judge people on aesthetics?
House, M.D.

House: People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get, and there's nothing any of us can do about it.
House, M.D.

House: He loves a tree in Oregon more than he loves you. But he can't have sex with it.
House, M.D.

House: We can't ignore the blood because it is a minority, can we Foreman?
House, M.D.

House: Religion has ended another life.
House, M.D.

House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?
House, M.D.

House: Treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.
House, M.D.

House: To do what I always do in these situations. Treat my patient behind his back and make him better.
House, M.D.

House: Don't worry. Many women learn to live with this parasite. My own mother, for example. Forty-five years and she only complains about it now from time to time.
House, M.D.

House: Seizures are fun to watch, boring to diagnose.
House, M.D.

Cuddy: Dr. House! Need you here.
House: No thanks. Lotta sick people. I might catch something.
House, M.D.

House: You're an idiot.
House, M.D.

House: Yes, the symptom that I saw on the bus was a rare interferon allergy which flares up two days before you take it.
House, M.D.
House MD Quotes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
House (also known as House, M.D.): American TV medical drama that debuted on Fox network on November 16, 2004. Central character is Dr. Gregory House (played by Hugh Laurie), noted for his sarcastic wit and cutting one-liners. Other characters include Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dr. James Wilson and Dr. Allison Cameron.



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