How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake,
a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?
Hockey is murder on ice.
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify
the body with dental records.
I love those hockey moms. You know the difference between
a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.
Hockey is figure skating in a war zone.
We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.
High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking,
fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing...
everything else is just figure skating.
A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when
they can't hit one another.
Four out of five dentists surveyed recommended playing hockey.
I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie.
Give blood. Play hockey.
We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even
have to go to the hospital.
When Hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there too.