Truly it was impossible to dissociate her presence from all those wretched hankerings after money and gentility that had disturbed my boyhood, – from all those ill-regulated aspirations that had first made me ashamed of home and Joe, – from all those visions that had raised her face in the glowing fire, struck it out of the iron on the anvil, extracted it from the darkness of night to look in at the wooden window of the forge, and flit away. In a word, it was impossible for me to separate her, in the past or in the present, from the innermost life of my life.
– Charles Dickens
Great Expectations, Chapter 29. Pip’s blind unrequited love for Estella is seen here as a destructive force and example of his self-deception. It is a highly idealized love that elevates Estella to goddess-like status, as he sees visions of her everywhere. He knows that she has negatively impacted his life, giving him “wretched hankerings” for money and status, disturbing his childhood and causing him to be ashamed of home and Joe. Yet he spends his a lifetime trying be good enough for her and win her admiration.