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|Topic: Funny Sex Quotes - Funny Quotes
about Sex, Sayings
|Funny Sex Quotes 1 2
|It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten
who ties up whom.
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
If it wasn't for pickpockets and frisking at airports I'd have
no sex life at all.
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences
that money can buy.
My girlfiend said to me in bed last night, "you're a pervert".
I said, "that's a big word for a girl of nine".
When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap.
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices
they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing.
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.
My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet.
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to
play the violin.
Honore de Balzac
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman
was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during
a power failure.
I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by
men as well as women.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was,
"the man goes on top and the woman underneath". For
three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many
books on how to?
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation
at the taxidermist.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're
only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what
Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes
the most amount of trouble.
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating
as reading sex manuals without the software.
Arthur C. Clarke
Sex... the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and
the expense damnable.
Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered
- and I still do - which is more important.
There are three sexes men, women, and clergymen.
I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn't pass the physical.
I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.
Sex the poor man's polo.
If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour
was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of
Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (Which was
rather late for me) between the end of the Chatterley ban and
the Beatles' first LP.
|Funny Sex Quotes 1 2
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