Chanel No. 5.
Asked what she wore in bed.
Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents,
gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers.
Children really brighten up a household - they never turn
the lights off.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence
Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done,
they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it
Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
George Bernard Shaw
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can
find a rock.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman
who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little
tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Don't have a cow, man.
Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the
answer somewhere else.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and
I think it's you.
Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools
Don't talk to me about Naval tradition! It's nothing but rum,
sodomy and the lash.
The key is not to think of death as an end. But think of it
more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going
to sleep. In a giant blender.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
Eat my shorts.
English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.
George S. Kaufman
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if
you just sit there.
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
George Bernard Shaw
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything
Charles D. Warner
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody
Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.
First law on holes - when you're in one, stop digging.
Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but
not for delicate boys.
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get
a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two
weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down
I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet!
Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times.
Often erroneously attributed to Mark
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.
'Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing
to do with it'.