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Topic: Funny Life Quotes - Funny Quotes about Life, Funny Life Sayings
Life is wasted on the living.
Douglas Adams

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Oscar Wilde

Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Author Unknown

I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they do their lives.
Jim Rohn

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
Jack Handey

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
Quentin Crisp

Life is a zoo in a jungle.
Peter De Vries

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen

When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!
Author Unknown

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
Robert Heinlein

Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Elbert Hubbard

Life is something that everyone should try at least once.
Henry J. Tillman

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
R. D. Laing

Life's a bitch and then you die.
Nas (Nasir Jones)

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!
Irish Saying

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg

Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
Author Unknown

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Herbert Samuel

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Henry David Thoreau

There must be more to life than having everything.
Maurice Sendak

Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.
Djuna Barnes

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
Lilly Tomlin

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
Sholom Aleichem

Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.
Benjamin Franklin

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
Ashleigh Brilliant

It's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit.
Bill Gates

Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Author Unknown

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Douglas Adams

We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Author Unknown

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Truman Capote

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
Sean O'Casey

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
Kathleen Norris

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
Shunryu Suzuki Roshi

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.
Jim Carrey

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim
Bertrand Russell

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
Willliam S. Burroughs

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Bob Monkhouse

I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, naked and ugly. So I enjoy life.
Screamin' Jay Hawkins (Jalacy Hawkins)

Born to be wild - live to outgrow it.
Lao-Tzu

Instead of holding on to the Biblical view that we are made in the image of God, we come to realize that we are made in the image of the monkey.
Lin Yutang


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