It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass. – Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. – Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. – Rodney Dangerfield
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going. – Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. – Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. – Rodney Dangerfield
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. – Rodney Dangerfield
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other! – Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t. – Rodney Dangerfield
