I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. – Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’ – Rita Rudner
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet. – Rita Rudner
I’m a very simple person. I’m very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that’s me. – Rita Rudner
I don’t like when there’s too much conversation because I’m shy and it makes me uncomfortable. – Rita Rudner
When you’re a dancer, you start with the basics. You don’t all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third. – Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. – Rita Rudner
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one. – Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. – Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. – Rita Rudner
I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. – Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be. – Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner