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I’m aging, and the world is seeing it.
– Ray Romano
I lived at home till I was 29.
I have the show because I’m insecure. It’s my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.
I have this mistress: show business.
It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.
Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I’m able to tell a joke. I thank God I’m good at something.
The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.
The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.
My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.
I do still get intimidated by certain things.
If my father had hugged me even once, I’d be an accountant right now.
I don’t want to be a spokesman for family values, but that’s the way my standup is perceived.
I feel like this is a dream – and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.
The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you’re, if we’re talking about comedy, of the live audience.
I don’t think men talk as much as women, but when we have something on our minds we’ll get it out.
If golf wasn’t enjoyable and there wasn’t a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
Right after ‘Raymond’ I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don’t like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. ‘What is my purpose? Who am I?’ I had a big identity crisis.
The successful golfers – they’re like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them. That’s not me.
The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.
When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.
I don’t want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they’re producing and creating.
I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and – as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.
In school, I wasn’t a very good student – I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.
I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.
I’m always giving myself the Alzheimer’s test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.