Pride and Prejudice Self-Knowledge + Self-Awareness Quotes

But people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them for ever.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 9. Elizabeth makes this observation during a conversation with her mother, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley about the differences between country and city society – Darcy thinks provincial life boring. Her comment is meant as a dig at Darcy, whom she thinks will never change. It also foreshadows the lessons Elizabeth herself will learn about her misjudgment of people, prejudice against Darcy, and the changes she will undergo on her journey to self-knowledge and self-discovery.

Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride – where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 11. When Elizabeth calls Mr. Darcy out on what she believes are his weaknesses, pride and vanity, he shows some self-awareness by actually acknowledging his defects. But he doesn’t see pride as a weakness where there is "superiority of mind" and it is properly controlled. That may sound arrogant, but he a point there.

No, I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding – certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offences against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 11. This is Darcy’s response to Elizabeth telling him that he has no defect and "owns it himself without disguise." Here he acknowledges his central flaw, having a resentful character and unforgiving temper towards the vices and offenses of others. He is being honest and displaying integrity here in placing a high value on "good opinion" and reputation. That shows a certain self-awareness about his flaws. But also there is an irony here, as he is not aware of how proud he sounds, as he proudly boasts about his resentful nature.

Having now a good house and a very sufficient income, he intended to marry…he meant to choose one of the daughters, if he found them as handsome and amiable as they were represented by common report. This was his plan of amends – of atonement – for inheriting their father’s estate; and he thought it an excellent one, full of eligibility and suitableness, and excessively generous and disinterested on his own part.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 15. At a time when women’s legal access to property in England was limited, Mr. Collins is due to inherit Longbourn on the death of Mr. Bennet. Now that he has a good income and house, he decides that it is time to marry. Seeing himself as a fountain of generosity and kindness, he decides to choose one of the Bennet daughters to make amends to the family over the loss of their home. Austen is an expert at writing ironic statements and the tone throughout this passage is without doubt ironic, for Collins admires himself for sharing with one of the Bennet girls the wealth that he took from them in the first place. The description of the puffed-up clergyman celebrating his high-mindedness marks Austen out as the supreme satirist. Mr. Collins has no self-awareness of how ridiculous he is.

"I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created."
"I am," said he, with a firm voice.
"And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?"
"I hope not."
"It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first."

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 18. Elizabeth challenges Darcy on his being quick to judge and refusing to change his mind once he forms an impression about a person’s character. She questions if he is ever blinded by prejudice. She puts it him that those who never change their opinion have a responsibility to ensure that they form the correct judgment in the first place. She is referring to Wickham’s claim that he has been been mistreated by Darcy. But Elizabeth shows her prejudice by accepting Wickham’s word and making up her mind without hearing Darcy’s side. Her advice on hasty judgments is ironic, given that she is guilty of exactly that with Darcy. Her criticism of him shows her own lack of self-awareness, for she equally is quick to make up her mind about others and stubborn about changing it.

My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances (like myself) to set the example of matrimony in his parish; secondly, that I am convinced that it will add very greatly to my happiness; and thirdly – which perhaps I ought to have mentioned earlier, that it is the particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady whom I have the honour of calling patroness…she said, "Mr. Collins, you must marry. A clergyman like you must marry. Choose properly, choose a gentlewoman for my sake; and for your own, let her be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up high, but able to make a small income go a good way"…But the fact is, that being, as I am, to inherit this estate after the death of your honoured father (who, however, may live many years longer), I could not satisfy myself without resolving to choose a wife from among his daughters, that the loss to them might be as little as possible, when the melancholy event takes place – which, however, as I have already said, may not be for several years. This has been my motive, my fair cousin, and I flatter myself it will not sink me in your esteem. And now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affection.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 19. Mr. Collins’s lack of self-awareness is astonishing as he corners an obviously uninterested Elizabeth to propose. Setting out his reasons for wanting to marry her, there is not one mention of love and it is mostly about why it would be good for him. He believes that he should marry because it sets a good example for a clergyman, it will add to his happiness, and Lady Catherine de Bourgh has told him to marry a "useful sort of person…able to make a small income go a good way." For good measure he also mentions that since he is to inherit Mr. Bennet’s estate, he would like to minimize the family’s loss by marrying one of his daughters. Finally with great irony he laughably assures Elizabeth of his "violence of my affection" for her. Austen is mocking Mr. Collins here. She is using him as a satirical figure to comment on loveless marriages, where people wed for all kinds of ridiculous reasons other than love.

"Though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the pianoforte in Mrs. Jenkinson’s room. She would be in nobody’s way, you know, in that part of the house."
Mr. Darcy looked a little ashamed of his aunt’s ill-breeding, an made no answer.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 31. Lady Catherine, who cannot play the piano, rudely suggests that Elizabeth would not be in the way if she practised piano in the room of her daughter’s companion at Rosings. Lady Catherine uses her social position in society to assert dominance over and demean others. She lacks self-knowledge and self-awareness of her appalling manners. Even Darcy is ashamed of his aunt’s bad breeding.

You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 34. Elizabeth says this to Darcy after he accuses her of only refusing his hand in marriage because of her hurt pride over the way he proposed. Darcy may have the appearance of a gentleman, but here Elizabeth calls him out for being ungentlemanlike. This comment greatly troubles Darcy afterwards, causing him much self-reflection and to eventually re-evaluate his behavior as he grows in self-knowledge.

As to his real character, had information been in her power, she had never felt a wish of enquiring. His countenance, voice and manner had established him at once in the possession of every virtue.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 36. The realization that Elizabeth has been been wrong in her understanding of George Wickham hits home and hard. Because Wickham was charming and handsome, she decided from those first impressions that he must be a good person. So she failed to question the aspersions he cast on Darcy’s character and as a result was prejudiced against Darcy. But Darcy’s letter forces her to reconsider her opinion of Wickham, question her poor judgment of people and realize her lack of knowledge of herself.

"How despicably have I acted!" she cried; "I, who have prided myself on my discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blameable mistrust! How humiliating is this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind! But vanity, not love, has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this moment I never knew myself."

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 36. This is the pivotal moment of self-knowledge and self-rebuke for Elizabeth when she realizes how much her judgment has been clouded by her own pride and prejudice. She has read the long letter from Mr. Darcy explaining himself. For her it sheds a new and clear light on the noble qualities of Darcy’s character and the deceit and predatory nature of the handsome George Wickham, all of which she had been blind to. In a moment of epiphany for her, she recognizes that her belief in her good judgment of others was mere vanity, and that she never really knew herself until now. Using a metaphor, she compares her unwillingness to see the true characters of Darcy and Wickham to the blindness that a lover has for the flaws of their beloved.

Elizabeth was shocked to think that, however incapable of such coarseness of expression herself, the coarseness of the sentiment was little other than her own breast had harboured and fancied liberal.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 39. Elizabeth listens to Lydia call Wickham’s former girl Mary King a "nasty little freckled thing" and say that he never cared three straws about her. Elizabeth is shocked and reproaches herself for having similar uncharitable feelings. She sees others acting with a coarseness that she has been guilty of in her own thoughts. It is a moment of self-awareness for her, as her understanding and knowledge of herself continues to grow.

There certainly was some great mismanagement in the education of those two young men. One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 40. What Elizabeth says to sister Jane concerning Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham highlights the dangers of judging a book by its cover, something she has been guilty of. Reading Darcy’s letter shocked her into self-knowledge, so that she now realizes that Darcy is the one with the goodness, while Wickham had only the appearance of it. Before this her prejudices about the two men she has been romantically associated with clouded her judgment about them.

One cannot always be laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 40. Elizabeth admits to Jane that she has been mistaken in her judgment of Darcy and she misused her wit to abuse him. This self-knowledge comes after the letter from Darcy to Elizabeth explaining the truth of his relationship with George Wickham. The fuller quote: "I meant to be uncommonly clever in taking so decided a dislike to him, without any reason. It is such a spur to one’s genius, such an opening for wit to have a dislike of that kind. One may be continually abusive without saying any thing just; but one cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty."

She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 50. After her frosty rejection of Darcy’s first proposal of marriage, Elizabeth realizes that he is exactly the man most suited to her. As she grows in self-knowledge and gets to know the true Darcy, she realizes how flawed her perceptions of him have been. But has her realization come too late? The fuller quote shows the greater understanding she now has of Darcy’s true nature and character and how compatible they are: "She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved; and from his judgment, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance."

I will not be interrupted. Hear me in silence. My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. They are descended, on the maternal side, from the same noble line; and, on the father’s, from respectable, honourable, and ancient – though untitled – families. Their fortune on both sides is splendid. They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 56. As class war breaks out between Lady Catherine de Bourgh and Elizabeth, the domineering and haughty de Bourgh spells out why an "upstart" like Elizabeth is an unsuitable match for her nephew Darcy. Pointing to her lack of money, connections and family position, she dismisses Elizabeth as simply a young women with pretensions above her station. In de Bourgh’s world, marriage doesn’t cross social and money boundaries. Lady Catherine is a quintessential rude snob with no self-awareness of how ill behaved she is. Austen uses satire here to ridicule the extreme class consciousness in English society at the time.

What did you say of me that I did not deserve? For, though your accusations were ill-founded, formed on mistaken premises, my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof. It was unpardonable. I cannot think of it without abhorrence…I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself. The recollection of what I then said, of my conduct, my manners, my expressions during the whole of it, is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly painful to me. Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never forget: "Had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner." Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me; – though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 58. Darcy reveals to Elizabeth that her refusal of his first proposal helped to open his eyes. He accepts that he behaved in an ungentlemanly fashion and his unpardonable behavior deserved her strongest reproof. His character has changed and developed as a result of Elizabeth’s rebuke of his manners and conduct. He has learned a great deal about himself and is brave enough to admit his fault.

You must learn some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 58. Elizabeth explains her philosophy to Darcy. In moving forward to a happy future together, she is proposing that they leave negative memories behind and forgive each other’s past errors. In the fuller quote, she suggests that they were both at fault in their misconceptions of each other, they had acquired the self-knowledge to admit their faults and change, now they should move on and forget the unpleasant past: "But think no more of the letter. The feelings of the person who wrote, and the person who received it, are now so widely different from what they were then, that every unpleasant circumstance attending it ought to be forgotten. You must learn some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."

I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child), I was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.

– Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 58. Mr. Darcy’s journey to self-discovery has brought him to this important moment of clarity and humility. Darcy has just proposed to Elizabeth and she has accepted. In this speech to Elizabeth he acknowledges his selfishness and pride and vanity all his life, having being spoiled by both parents. His father taught him to be overbearing, to care for none outside his family circle, and also to think meanly of the worth of others compared to his own. He acknowledges the debt that he owes to Elizabeth for changing all that: humbling him and ridding him of his pretensions. His deep love for Elizabeth comes through when he tenderly refers to her as "a woman worthy of being pleased."
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