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I’d rather do community service than sit and write a load of Christmas cards.
– Paul O’Grady
I don’t like awards ceremonies. I’d sooner go to the pub with mates I’ve known for years.
I enjoyed school – although I ran away on the first day. I’d reminded the teacher that it was nearly time for ‘Watch With Mother’ on TV.
I was a really picky eater as a child. Because I was obsessed by Popeye, my mum and aunts would put my food in a can to represent spinach and we’d hum the Popeye tune and then I’d happily eat it.
It’s become normal for me to walk on set as Popeye, Frankenstein or an Elf or even a chicken.
I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show.
I can eat beef, provided it’s minced in disguise. I couldn’t eat a gammon steak. Forget it.
My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I’d rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney’s barber shop.
I still consider myself working class. I know my circumstances have changed dramatically since I was growing up back in Birkenhead.
Times are hard and friends are few.
I went to work for the Civil Service. I’d wanted to work for the Ministry of Defence because I had some far-fetched idea that it had something to do with the Avengers, but I ended up in Social Security.
I’ve got four dogs, eight chickens, 10 sheep and six pigs.
I think it’s bad for fellas when they lose their mothers. Mine was such a character. Oh it was sad, really sad. And, with her gone, the family home was gone, so what was left of any roots I had were completely dug up.
Every week I have a disaster in my kitchen. The fire alarm goes off repeatedly. But it doesn’t stop me being adventurous.
I love looking after animals. I find it very enjoyable.
Taking a pay cut won’t demotivate me, not at all. It’s not about money in the first place. It’s about the job.
If I wanted your opinion, I’d slap it outta ya.
When my dog Buster died, I couldn’t get over it. I was in bits.
I’m not a businessman. I could pack it in, but I like work. I don’t want to sound like Catherine Cookson, but I’ve worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop.
The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That’s just about everyone.
I don’t want to sound like Catherine Cookson but I’ve worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop. Taking a pay cut won’t demotivate me, not at all. It’s not about money in the first place. It’s about the job.
I go in the butchers and there’s not a lot of meat I can eat these days, with having all the animals.
I don’t live with people, that’s why my relationships last. I’m not romantic. Even when I was a teenager if somebody asked if they could hold my hand I’d say, – no, it’s not heavy, I can hold it myself, thank you’.
I am quite happy to take a cut. You’ve got to, if you want to work and continue working.
Channel 4 are a great bunch of people to work with and the crew are lovely. Working at ITV was like being in the court of Caligula.
Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.