With acting, you see some of the kids are literally just off the street, untrained, and they are great. And others are off the street, untrained, and kind of horrible. – Patton Oswalt
You know, in Los Angeles, you’re constantly in your car, you’re sealed up, you’re not walking around. Whereas in New York, after a while, all your stuff is kind of public, in one way or the other. I’m not saying either one of those is bad; they’re both great for a very specific kind of comedian. And I’m glad that they both exist. – Patton Oswalt
I’m still very much an atheist, except that I don’t necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that’s a weird thing that I’m struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious. – Patton Oswalt
Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience; you can’t pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room. – Patton Oswalt
Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, ‘This is where I wanna be.’ – Patton Oswalt
This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets – take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you’re making a fried egg and just before it’s done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around. – Patton Oswalt
One of my groupies gave me a film that they made, and it ended up being amazing, so I got it shown at South by Southwest. If I can help get their stuff out there, then great. – Patton Oswalt
If you actually do cold readings, it’s very close to how people actually talk, because you’re experiencing these thoughts anew every moment, and trying to make them come out coherently. – Patton Oswalt
Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you’re not being a slave to your possessions. – Patton Oswalt
The problem is, and I’m just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It’s great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings. – Patton Oswalt
I’ve hung out in the writer’s room a few times, but the fact is we’ve got such a good writing staff, I don’t want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything. – Patton Oswalt
I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, ‘Well, I’ve had it with humanity.’ But I was wrong. – Patton Oswalt
Growing up, there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. And their parents were fine. Some people are just born with bad wiring. – Patton Oswalt
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, ‘The good outnumber you, and we always will.’ – Patton Oswalt
All the truly great stand-ups say, ‘I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I’m doing my work.’ To me, in the end, the surest thing is work. – Patton Oswalt
When you act, you’re being asked to pretend in a very rigid, controlled environment. It’s very un-childlike. So a lot of times, when you put kids in that situation, you hope they have a better support system outside of what they’re doing to bring them back to reality at the end of the day and to keep them well-rounded. – Patton Oswalt
I wish I had a really cool, esoteric answer, but what the process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and recorded, I move on. – Patton Oswalt
George Bush is not stupid. He’s evil. OK? There’s a huge difference between stupid and evil. – Patton Oswalt
Now we live in this DVD, iTunes, Hulu age, and show creators and networks are realizing that and letting shows develop on those terms rather than ‘We gotta just punch it week to week, man.’ Now they’re like, ‘What will happen if someone watches the entire show?’ – Patton Oswalt