My mother died of metastatic colorectal cancer shortly before three P.M. on Christmas Day of 2008. I don’t know the exact time of her death, because none of us thought to look at a clock for a while after she stopped breathing. – Meghan O’Rourke
A death from a long illness is very different from a sudden death. It gives you time to say goodbye and time to adjust to the idea that the beloved will not be with you anymore. – Meghan O’Rourke
One word I had throughout the first year and a half of my mother’s death was ‘unmoored.’ I felt that I had no anchor, that I had no home in the world. – Meghan O’Rourke
But there is a discomfort that surrounds grief. It makes even the most well-intentioned people unsure of what to say. And so many of the freshly bereaved end up feeling even more alone. – Meghan O’Rourke
My mother never liked Mother’s Day. She thought it was a fake holiday dreamed up by Hallmark to commodify deep sentiments that couldn’t be expressed with a card. – Meghan O’Rourke
I envy my Jewish friends the ritual of saying kaddish – a ritual that seems perfectly conceived, with its built-in support group and its ceremonious designation of time each day devoted to remembering the lost person. – Meghan O’Rourke
There is always tension in women’s gymnastics between athleticism, grace, performance, and eros. – Meghan O’Rourke
Television has never known what to do with grief, which resists narrative: the dramas of grief are largely internal – for the bereaved, it is a chaotic, intense, episodic period, but the chaos is by and large subterranean, and easily appears static to the friendly onlooker who has absorbed the fact of loss and moved on. – Meghan O’Rourke
What’s endlessly complicated in thinking about women’s gymnastics is the way that vulnerability and power are threaded through the sport. – Meghan O’Rourke
A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up in a world without her is like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable. – Meghan O’Rourke
It’s all too easy when talking about female gymnasts to fall into the trap of infantilizing them, spending more time worrying more about female vulnerability than we do celebrating female strength. – Meghan O’Rourke
To mourn is to wonder at the strangeness that grief is not written all over your face in bruised hieroglyphics. And it’s also to feel, quite powerfully, that you’re not allowed to descend into the deepest fathom of your grief – that to do so would be taboo somehow. – Meghan O’Rourke
Grief is characterized much more by waves of feeling that lessen and reoccur, it’s less like stages and more like different states of feeling. – Meghan O’Rourke
My whole life, I had been taught to read and study, to seek understanding in knowledge of history, of cultures. – Meghan O’Rourke
Loss doesn’t feel redeemable. But for me one consoling aspect is the recognition that, in this at least, none of us is different from anyone else: We all lose loved ones; we all face our own death. – Meghan O’Rourke
I think about my mother every day. But usually the thoughts are fleeting – she crosses my mind like a spring cardinal that flies past the edge of your eye: startling, luminous, lovely… gone. – Meghan O’Rourke
I wasn’t prepared for the fact that grief is so unpredictable. It wasn’t just sadness, and it wasn’t linear. Somehow I’d thought that the first days would be the worst and then it would get steadily better – like getting over the flu. That’s not how it was. – Meghan O’Rourke
I believe in the importance of individuality, but in the midst of grief I also find myself wanting connection – wanting to be reminded that the sadness I feel is not just mine but ours. – Meghan O’Rourke
Grief is at once a public and a private experience. One’s inner, inexpressible disruption cannot be fully realized in one’s public persona. – Meghan O’Rourke
This is part of the complexity of grief: A piece of you recognizes it is an extreme state, an altered state, yet a large part of you is entirely subject to its demands. – Meghan O’Rourke
If the condition of grief is nearly universal, its transactions are exquisitely personal. – Meghan O’Rourke
Grief is a bad moon, a sleeper wave. It’s like having an inner combatant, a saboteur who, at the slightest change in the sunlight, or at the first notes of a jingle for a dog food commercial, will flick the memory switch, bringing tears to your eyes. – Meghan O’Rourke
All love stories are tales of beginnings. When we talk about falling in love, we go to the beginning, to pinpoint the moment of freefall. – Meghan O’Rourke
Nothing prepared me for the loss of my mother. Even knowing that she would die did not prepare me. – Meghan O’Rourke
Our minds are mysterious; our conscious brain is like a ship on a sea that is obscure to us. – Meghan O’Rourke
