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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
– Lily Tomlin
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
We are all in this together, by ourselves.
The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
I grew up in a time when women didn’t really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny – because it’s powerful; it’s a threat.
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
You don’t really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it.
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
For fast-acting relief try slowing down.