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Perhaps I have a wider range than I’d given myself credit for.
– Larry David
I don’t take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.
Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m Jewish.
Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m deaf and I try to imagine what it’s like not to be able to hear them. It’s not that bad.
Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I’m very casual about it.
There’s a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
Millions of people are married. I’ve never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!
All of a sudden I discovered that I’m allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.
It’s that I wasn’t suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear – mainstream comedy.
I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
When I was living in New York and didn’t have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I’d think, that’ll be good, that’ll be a good spot for me when I’m homeless.
It has to do – I think – with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time.
Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
It’s not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn’t happen that often.
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.
There’s also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.
I can’t stand reading anything that I’ve said.
I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.
I believe in something.
I’m not quite as anonymous as I was.
Sure, being a reservist wasn’t as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
I don’t like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.
Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I’m – basically inside, I’m a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.
You write about what you know.
Anything that’s for free, people will take. They don’t discriminate.
I’m still driving a Prius, yeah.
Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair… Change my name, just see what happens.
I’ve led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.