I don’t take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. – Larry David
Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m deaf and I try to imagine what it’s like not to be able to hear them. It’s not that bad. – Larry David
There’s a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. – Larry David
Millions of people are married. I’ve never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married! – Larry David
All of a sudden I discovered that I’m allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. – Larry David
It’s that I wasn’t suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear – mainstream comedy. – Larry David
I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. – Larry David
When I was living in New York and didn’t have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I’d think, that’ll be good, that’ll be a good spot for me when I’m homeless. – Larry David
It has to do – I think – with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time. – Larry David
It’s not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn’t happen that often. – Larry David
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough. – Larry David
Sure, being a reservist wasn’t as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. – Larry David
Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I’m – basically inside, I’m a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. – Larry David
Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair… Change my name, just see what happens. – Larry David
I’ve led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. – Larry David