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If it bends, it’s funny; if it breaks, it’s not funny.
– Kate O’Brien
My mom always said that if the Protestants catch a Catholic in their church, they feed them to the Jews.
It’s filled with… baking soda. Because it really smells.
I only use my sick days for hang-overs and soap opera weddings.
If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I’ll stand there naked.
Hmmm… I never get the answer I think I’m going to get.
A laugh is a terrible weapon.
Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.