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Do not learn more than you absolutely need to get through life.
– Karl Kraus
You’d be surprised how hard it can often be to translate an action into an idea.
An idea’s birth is legitimate if one has the feeling that one is catching oneself plagiarizing oneself.
I and life: The case was settled chivalrously. The opponents parted without having made up.
The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test.
It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean.
I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up.
Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess.
Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don’t come into the world.
No ideas and the ability to express them – that’s a journalist.
Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis.
Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower.
Solitude would be ideal if you could pick the people to avoid.
Journalists write because they have nothing to say, and have something to say because they write.
How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.
Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow.
Journalist: a person without any ideas but with an ability to express them; a writer whose skill is improved by a deadline: the more time he has, the worse he writes.
It is the style of idealism to console itself for the loss of something old with the ability to gape at something new.
A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.
Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays.
There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman’s shoe and has to settle for the whole woman.
Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom.
Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.
Feminine passion is to masculine as an epic is to an epigram.
The mission of the press is to spread culture while destroying the attention span.
Scandal begins when the police put a stop to it.
He who does without the praise of the crowd will not deny himself an opportunity to be his own adherent.
There are people who can never forgive a beggar for their not having given him anything.
The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant.
Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work.