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If I’d known how old I was going to be I’d have taken better care of myself.
– Jimmy Durante
Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Be kind to people on the way up – you’ll meet them again on your way down.
I hate music, especially when it’s played.
Why can’t everybody leave everybody else the hell alone.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be a awful nice to ’em goin’ up, because you’re gonna meet ’em all comin’ down.
Man is the only animal that can be skinned more than once.