One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx
My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something. – Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. – Groucho Marx
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. – Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – Groucho Marx