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When I was born I owed twelve dollars.
– George S. Kaufman
Satire is what closes on Saturday night.
Epitaph for a dead waiter – God finally caught his eye.
The kind of doctor I want is one who when he’s not examining me is home studying medicine.
At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that’s better than an absent one is a dead one.
When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That’s the price she has to pay.
I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.
I understand your new play is full of single entendres.
Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.