Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. – Don Rickles
If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine’s Day. – Don Rickles
Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. – Don Rickles
Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I’ve only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan. – Don Rickles
No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. – Don Rickles
Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, ‘Hi Bob’ and I’d have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn’t let me ad-lib. – Don Rickles
I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I’d have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys. – Don Rickles
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate. – Don Rickles
I have no idea what I’m going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. – Don Rickles
I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He’d just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. – Don Rickles
I couldn’t sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit. – Don Rickles
Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they’re just regular people. Like Larry King. We’ve been friends for forty years. He’s one of the few guys I know who’s really famous. One minute he’s talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he’s saying to me, ‘Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?’ – Don Rickles
Johnny Carson was a big influence on me – all of those shows I did with him over the years, like, 100 of them, they made a bit of a name for me at the time, so that part of my life was very good. – Don Rickles
To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it. – Don Rickles
They always use the word ‘insult’ with me, but I don’t hurt anybody. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. – Don Rickles