A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
– Don Marquis
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yes, it is women who keep the church going.
Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’
Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun.
Bores bore each other too; but it never seems to teach them anything.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.
Successful people are the ones who think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at.
A hypocrite is a person who – but who isn’t?
In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child’s parent or grandparent.
I would rather start a family than finish one.
It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don’t change diapers in midstream.
Writing a book of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
A sequel is an admission that you’ve been reduced to imitating yourself.
By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.
Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.