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Pride and Prejudice
The Great Gatsby
Hamlet
Of Mice and Men
Frankenstein

Colin Mochrie Quotes

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

– Colin Mochrie

When I’m on stage, it’s a little world I’ve created where I’m sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we’re improvising, I’m with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don’t have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.

– Colin Mochrie

Onstage I do all the stuff I’d never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I’ve ever had.

– Colin Mochrie

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

– Colin Mochrie

Many people think it’s in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum… but come on down. We’re going crazy.

– Colin Mochrie

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

– Colin Mochrie

I’m handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

– Colin Mochrie

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers.

– Colin Mochrie

I have many favorite artists… Van Gogh as one, but he didn’t really sing a lot!

– Colin Mochrie

There are so many things I’d like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don’t have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.

– Colin Mochrie

And if that isn’t the truth, it would be a lie.

– Colin Mochrie

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

– Colin Mochrie

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs.

– Colin Mochrie

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

– Colin Mochrie

My god! It’s a hamster with explosives taped around it’s waist!

– Colin Mochrie

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we’re out there, everything’s fine.

– Colin Mochrie

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.

– Colin Mochrie

There’s many times this year I’ve sat back and thought, I’m making a living from making things up. It’s the only skill I have so I’ve been really lucky.

– Colin Mochrie

You know, in the 1970’s, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

– Colin Mochrie

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

– Colin Mochrie

I’m a traveling practical joker. That’s my line of work.

– Colin Mochrie

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

– Colin Mochrie

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

– Colin Mochrie

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

– Colin Mochrie

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

– Colin Mochrie