Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience. – Ambrose Bierce
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. – Ambrose Bierce
Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient. – Ambrose Bierce
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope. – Ambrose Bierce
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. – Ambrose Bierce
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. – Ambrose Bierce
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. – Ambrose Bierce
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. – Ambrose Bierce
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. – Ambrose Bierce
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills. – Ambrose Bierce
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. – Ambrose Bierce
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. – Ambrose Bierce
Dog – a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship. – Ambrose Bierce
Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth. – Ambrose Bierce
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. – Ambrose Bierce
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. – Ambrose Bierce