Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. – Ambrose Bierce
Genealogy, n. An account of one’s descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own. – Ambrose Bierce
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It’s one of the curses of London. – Ambrose Bierce
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. – Ambrose Bierce
Land: A part of the earth’s surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. – Ambrose Bierce
It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better. – Ambrose Bierce
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron – namely, that he is a blockhead. – Ambrose Bierce
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. – Ambrose Bierce
Genius – to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things. – Ambrose Bierce
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head. – Ambrose Bierce
Amnesty, n. The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. – Ambrose Bierce
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. – Ambrose Bierce
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion. – Ambrose Bierce
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility. – Ambrose Bierce
Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is – it is her shadow. – Ambrose Bierce
We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. – Ambrose Bierce
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. – Ambrose Bierce
Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul. – Ambrose Bierce
Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. – Ambrose Bierce
Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. – Ambrose Bierce