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Topic: Animal Quotes - Funny Animal Quotes, Quotations, Sayings about Animals & Pets
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Related Quotes:  Dogs  Horses  Birds  Cats
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Mark Twain

A cat will look down to a man. A dog will look up to a man. But a pig will look you straight in the eye and see his equal.
Winston Churchill

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
John Cleese

Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him.
Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
John Benfield

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you . . . They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.
Bill Bryson

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres

Kissing originates from animals sniffing each other.
Ingelore Ebberfeld

Many years ago when an adored dog died, a great friend, a bishop, said to me, "You must always remember that, as far as the Bible is concerned, God only threw the humans out of Paradise."
Bruce Foyle

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
Michael Friedman

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.
Erich Fromm

New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.
(Dame Edna) Barry Humphries

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians.
Henrik Ibsen

Cats and monkeys, monkeys and cats; all human life is there.
Henry James

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
Jake Johansen

My favorite animal is steak.
Fran Lebowitz

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
George Orwell
Animal Farm.

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.
Paris Hilton

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
Maria Corelli

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
Jim Samuels

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud.
Carl Sandburg

Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends.
George Bernard Shaw

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
H. Allen Smith

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Mark Twain

The thing that differentiates man from animals is money.
Gertrude Stein

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Jon Stewart

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
Jeff Stilson

Please do not feed the squirrels. If you feed the squirrels, they'll become overweight, and prone to disease. Their population will grow, and they'll lose their ability to forage for food on their own. They will expect you to feed them and will attack you if you don't. They'll become like little welfare recipients, and you wouldn't want to do this to them.
Sign in Rocky Mountain National Park

Heart attacks - God's revenge for eating his little animal friends.
Author Unknown

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Author Unknown
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