Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint.
It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces?
A little service here!
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
What's this? Blueberries? Oh, oh my G...oh, that's better
than sex!
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical,
you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence... gotta
get me some of that.
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
Do these huggies make my ass look big?
Strewie Griffin
Family Guy |
[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions
to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing
anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's
just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's
first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded
Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann
fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German
people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie
werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland.
You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.
[Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.]
Brian Griffin: Uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: [Snapping out of it] Oh yes, Munich is renowned
for its historic beer halls.
Family Guy |
Stewie Griffin [reading the Bible]: My my, what a thumping
good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other
to two-by-fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the
Pooh.
Chris Griffin: Please, don't say pooh.
Family Guy |
Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day
I escaped from your wretched womb.
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me.
And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want
her not to be alive anymore.
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
Victory is mine!
Stewie Griffin
Family Guy |
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