[Narrating his life] I walked into the kitchen and sat down
at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal
Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her
how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she
knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately
I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant
eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow
dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. [Lois
knocks Peter out.] I woke several hours later in a daze.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy |
[After Lois tells him he's childish] If I'm a child that means
you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here
and take this from a pervert.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy |
[At the grocery store]
Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons.
Peter Griffin: Now listen pal!
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm holding melons.
Peter Griffon: Oh
Man: And her hooters ain't bad either.
Peter Griffon: Now hold on a second.
Lois Griffin: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem. [pause] Man: Your wife's hot.
Peter Griffin: Alright that's it!
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: I care about the size of your penis as much
as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter Griffin: Oh my God! [runs off crying]
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: Peter tell Chris that women are not objects!
Peter Griffin: Your mother's right Chris, listen to what it
says.
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: Peter, why are we stopped?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois Griffin: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter Griffin: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I,
I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna
have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them...
I'll feel like a fatty.
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin [holding crying baby after Carol has given birth]:
It's a beautiful baby girl!
Carol Pewterschmidt: Ooh, a baby girl! I'm so happy!
Peter Griffin: But she has a penis. Well, we'll have to do something
about that [Picks up scalpel.]
Lois Griffin [taking scalpel away]: Peter, no! It's a boy.
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin [trying to potty-train Stewie]: Maybe you don't
have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through
you.
Stewie Griffin: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light
up a dubey and watch porn.
Peter Griffin: Rea... Really?
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin: I've had a good life. And you can always be
proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.
Meg Griffin: What accomplishments?
Peter Griffin: Go to your room.
Family Guy |
Meg Griffin: Look everybody I got a makeover!!
Peter Griffin: Aw, Meg I thought you were always beautiful...[bursts
out laughing]. Whoa, couldn't do that with a straight face,
huh? Chris, go burn all of Meg's old pictures.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy |
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