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My version of falling in love is borderline psychotic. Should be avoided at all costs. Get obsessed. Can't fall in love and function at the same time. All-consuming. Tunnel vision. Euphoric.
Graham Norton

My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living.
Graham Norton

All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.
Graham Norton

My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, "okay, if that's what you want". And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule.
Graham Norton

We supply wine to all the guests - but most of the guests don't bring the wine on. But I drink wine before the show. Everyone does.
Graham Norton

In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much!.
Graham Norton

On meeting Victoria and David Beckham: Victoria pointed to her necklace and said "£1.5 million". David introduced himself. I was staring at his wife's tits and shouting "how much?".
Graham Norton

Being asked to host the BAFTA awards is a huge thrill, not to mention a lot easier than sitting in the audience pretending to be pleased for the winners.
Graham Norton

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Graham Norton: Irish-born TV presenter, comedian and actor. Born 1963.

Quotes of the Week - December 2, 2008:
"I go to bed at, like, 9.30 every night and I don't go out or anything. I just feel like an old fart." -- Britney Spears discovers the true meaning of being a parent.

"God and the devil: I got one on each shoulder." -- Brandon Flowers, frontman of The Killers.

"Money can be a burden. That's why I got stressed last year. I had a massive house that I couldn't control or clean." -- Carly Zucker, 24, girlfriend of Chelsea soccer player Joe Cole, speaking on 'I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!'

"He is like some sherry-crazed old dowager who has lost the family silver at roulette, and who now decides to double up by betting the house as well." -- London Mayor Boris Johnson on UK PM Gordon Brown's high borrowing budget.