SUE SYLVESTER: [at cheerleading practice] You think this is
hard? Try being waterboarded, that's hard!
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: [at cheerleading practice] You think this is
hard? I'm living with hepatitis, that's hard!
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: Iron tablet? Keeps your strength up while you're
menstruating.
WILL SCHUESTER: I don't menstruate.
SUE SYLVESTER: Yeah? Neither do I.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't
help, but picturing birds laying sulfurous eggs in there and
I find it disgusting.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: [Picking out the minority glee kids] Santana!
Wheels! Gay Kid! Come on move it! Asian! Other Asian! Aretha!
Shaft!
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I’m going to ask you to smell your armpits.
That’s the smell of failure, and it’s stinking up
my office.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: That was the most offensive thing I’ve
seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary
school production of Hair.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I can’t stand the sight of kids getting
emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: Lady justice wept tonight.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: [to Emma] Your resentment is delicious.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I wanna pit these kids against one another,
am I clear? Quinn, update. Go.
QUINN FABRAY: The minority students don't feel like they're
being heard.
SUE SYLVESTER: Ah, a chink in the armor, huh? I am going to
create an environment that it so toxic, no one will want to
be a part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice
young couple, and I salted the earth in the backyard so that
nothing living could grow there for a hundred years. You know
why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing
costs.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: [writing in journal] Glee club. Every time
I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth breathers
it only comes back stronger like some sexually ambiguous horror
movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed
everything only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations
of a kabal of doughy misshapen teens. Am I missing something,
Journal? Is it me? Of course its not me. Its Will Scheuster.
What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is
it the store-bought home perm? You know, Journal, I noticed
something yesterday. Of course. Its coming clear to me now.
If I cant destroy the club, I will have to destroy the man!
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I'm all about empowerment. I empower my cherrios
to live in a constant state of fear by creating an environment
of irrational random terror.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: Dear Journal, Feeling listless again today.
It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef
bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster.
It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on
the Hindenburg. A quiver. That quiver will lose us Nationals.
Without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements, and without
those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: Your illustrations of persecution are a tell
tale sign of early stage paranoia schizophrenia.
Glee |
TERRI SCHUESTER: This is where our daughter or gay son will
sleep.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: We're dealing with children, they need to be
terrified, it's like mothers milk to them - without it their
bones won't grow properly.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I've never wanted kids... don't have the time,
don't have the uterus.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: You are about to board the SUE SYLVESTER Express.
Destination: Horror!
Glee |
PUCK: Are you questioning my badassness?
Glee |
PUCK: We are two good looking Jews.
Glee |
PUCK: When I woke up, I knew it was a message from God. Rachel
was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I hear people say “that’s not how
I define marriage.” Well to them I say “love knows
no bounds.” Why can’t people marry dogs? I’m
certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets, I for one
think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents
once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So woof,
I’m pro-15-Ohio.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I will go to the animal shelter and get you
a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat.
And then on some dark cold night, I’ll steal away into
your home and punch you in the face.
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I'll often yell at homeless people "Hey,
how's that homelessness working out for you?" Give NOT
being homeless a try!"
Glee |
SUE SYLVESTER: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they
go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn
Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.
Glee |
ARTIE ABRANS: We plan on smacking them down like the hand
of god.
Glee |
QUINN: What are you doing Friday night?
PUCK: Just the usual. Stand outside the 7-Eleven and look depressed
until someone offers to buy me beer.
Glee |
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