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Quotes of the Week - Oct 12, 2008:
"Your company is now bankrupt, our economy is now in a state of crisis, but you get to keep $480 million. I have a very basic question for you: Is this fair?" -- Henry Waxman, chairman of US House Oversight Committee, questioning Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld over bank's collapse.

"Our opponent is someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country." -- Sarah Palin, accusing Barack Obama of associating with Bill Ayers, founder of Weather Underground, which was involved in several bombings in early 1970s.

"We can solve this crisis — and we will." -- US President George Bush, on economic crisis.

Topic: Funny Quotes Quotations - Famous Funny Quotes, Sayings, Greetings

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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope... -- George Burns
Sex is an emotion in motion... -- Mae West
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you... -- Woody Allen
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon... -- Groucho Marx
She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork... -- Oliver Goldsmith
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of... -- Woody Allen
She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success, wrong by wrong... -- Mae West
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!… -- David Brent
Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle... -- Woody Allen
Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words... -- Woody Allen
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some... -- Joseph Heller
Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God. The truth... -- W.B. Yeats
Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude... -- Bill Shankly
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing... -- W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch... -- W. C. Fields
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over… -- Homer Simpson
Stop thinking, and end your problems... -- Lao Tzu
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress... -- Mark Twain
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover... -- Homer Simpson
Thank God I'm an atheist... -- Luis Bunuel
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing... -- Woody Allen
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing... -- Sean O'Casey
The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After they've exhausted... -- Winston Churchill
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman… -- Jonathan Swift
The best way to behave is to misbehave... -- Mae West
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex... -- Brendan Behan
The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden…It ends with... -- Oscar Wilde
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it... -- Woody Allen
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers... -- William Shakespeare
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut... -- Groucho Marx
The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination... -- Voltaire
The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train... -- Robert Lowell
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness... -- Jilly Cooper
The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can... -- Will Rogers
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs... -- Jeanne-Marie Roland
The more I see of the moneyed classes, the more I understand... -- George Bernard Shaw
The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob... -- Anton Chekhov
The Prime Minister has nothing to hide from the President of the United States... -- Winston Churchill
The realisation that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind... -- Samuel Johnson
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated... -- Mark Twain
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed... -- Mark Russell
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that... -- Groucho Marx
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age... -- Lucille Ball
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last... -- Oscar Wilde
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is... -- Winston Churchill
There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never... -- Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf
There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out... -- Mae West
There are three ages of man - youth, age, and 'you're looking… -- Cardinal Francis Spellman
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics... -- Benjamin Disraeli
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe... -- Bob Phillips
There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep... -- Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with… -- Woody Allen
There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says yes... -- Groucho Marx
There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks... -- Salvador Dali
There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet... -- Hugh Leonard
There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators... -- Will Rogers
There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want... -- George Burns
There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary... -- Brendan Behan
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare... -- Bart Simpson
They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to but they do. They... -- Philip Larkin
They misunderestimated me... -- George W Bush
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others... -- Groucho Marx
To err is human - but it feels divine... -- Mae West
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer... -- Paul Ehrlich
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance... -- Oscar Wilde
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running... -- George Burns
Too much of a good thing is wonderful... -- Mae West
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure... -- Albert Einstein
Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a... -- Jim Bishop
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap... -- Will Rogers
Well, all I know is what I read in the papers... -- Will Rogers
What do I think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a very good idea... -- Mahatma Gandhi
What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why... -- David Brent
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case... -- Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse… -- Woody Allen
What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries... -- Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce... -- Mark Twain
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money... -- Henny Youngman
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by... -- David Brent
When I came back to Dublin I was court marshaled in my absence and... -- Brendan Behan
When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served... -- J. P. Donleavy
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant... -- Anonymous
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted... -- Woody Allen
When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing... -- Oscar Wilde
When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better... -- Mae West
When the President does it, that means it's not illegal... -- Richard Nixon
When women go wrong, men go right after them... -- Mae West
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit... -- Albert Einstein
When you have nothing to say, say nothing... -- Charles Caleb Colton
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite... -- Winston Churchill
When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is... -- Helen Rowland
When you see what some women marry, you realise how they must hate... -- Helen Rowland
Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy... -- Oscar Wilde
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food... -- Woody Allen
Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing... -- Vince Lombardi
Woe unto you also, lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne... -- Jesus
Women are as old as they feel - and men are old when they lose their feelings... -- Mae West
Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things... -- Oscar Wilde
Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent... -- Oscar Wilde
Women should be obscene and not heard... -- Groucho Marx
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk.. -- Rita Rudner
Work is the curse of the drinking classes... -- Oscar Wilde
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want... -- Woody Allen
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they... -- Will Rogers
You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be... -- David Brent
You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back... -- David Brent
You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music... -- Sid Vicious
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'... -- Homer Simpson
You're everywhere. You're omnivorous... -- Homer Simpson, to God
You're never too old to become younger... -- Mae West
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life... -- Herbert Henry Asquith

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